【生活】夜猫子的总崩溃
惭愧,长这么大了,睡觉这么基本的活动都没学会,没学好。让我主动进入睡眠状态需要达成两个条件:一是生理上很困,二是心理上觉得够迟。第二个条件显然是有些病态的,随着年龄的增长,“心理”承受力也就越来越强,迟的概念接近于无。久而久之,我越发不把睡眠当回事,终于,这件事发生了。
凌晨两点在写博客,当时已经感觉到深深的倦意,几乎每写一行,都要站起来踱几圈提提神,以免睡趴在桌上。写完大概是三点,于是躺到床上准备睡觉。闭上眼睛,就觉得身体有种灵魂出窍的感觉,呼吸也跟不上了。这时候身体的状况使我突然想到“猝死”这个概念,我越想越惊,开灯喝了口水,打算平静一下。但这时候已经很难平静了,我反复臆想猝死之前可能发生的症状,越想越觉得危险,此时不知是生理反应还是心理作用,总之胸闷气短是一个现实的问题,且有愈演愈烈之势。
我大口喘着气,呼开了父母的房门,他们脸上被惊醒的倦意一下子就被我的样子吓得无影无踪,在经过一阵观察后,还是决定送我去医院急诊。走出门外的时候,我呼吸急促,身体抖得像地震中的豆腐渣工程,就差没散架了。躺在后座母亲的怀中,我突然感觉到自己像一个垂死的病人,说了很多莫名其妙的话。我不敢闭眼,凝视着窗外一盏又一盏飞速掠过的路灯,突然想到了上帝这个概念,奥古斯丁在一次神秘的体验中彻底把他的思想转向了基督教哲学。
到了,我终于也像所有电视上被急救的病人一样,被抬上带轮子的病床,推进了一个急诊室,身上迅速被接上了各种管子和导线。我任他们摆弄,这时我感觉自己的身体已经不属于我了,而事实也确实是这样的。然后我就闭眼躺着,氧气的输入使我轻松很多,也确实有放松的作用,我听见医生们的闲扯蛋,听见推进来两个出车祸的人,听见隔壁病床间或发出的呻吟,听见……
大约一个小时后,经过各项检查的我被宣布脱离急救条件,可以回家静养。来时一句不吭的父亲在回去的路上不住地训斥我对身体的不注意,我觉得,这些话是多么的可爱。回去后,我虽对自己的心脏还有些疑虑,但折腾了这么久,也不得不睡去。第一次入睡仍然带一点恐惧,不敢睡得太死,恍惚中能感觉到自己总是强迫自己在入睡的一刹那恢复意识,不过时间还是在一次眨眼中走过了一个小时。睁眼后第二次入睡,我总算回归了正常的睡眠。
醒来,胸口被心电仪吸盘留下的红印告诉我,这不是一个梦。
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