【读书】《词语》
词语
“当萨特在外祖父的书房里装模作样看书的时候，他已经意识到了词语的超时间性：他正在看的那些词语早在他出生之前就不知被多少人看过了，它们曾看着他出生，也将看着他死亡，词语是永恒的，而人生只是短暂的一瞬而已。”
这是一本已经不再版了的书，当当和卓越都买不到，全淘宝也只有五本，而且都把这本原价五元的书卖到了五十元以上，还是二手的……我只好先从图书馆里把它请出来，是否要买来收藏以后再作定夺。
《词语》是一本萨特的童年自传，只记录到萨特十岁为止。萨特给我们提供了一个很好的研究他的角度：即从词语出发。萨特是一个以词语为人的自由奋斗的词语大师，正如他自己所说：
“我的生活是从书中开始的，它无疑也将以书结束。”
他向我们揭示了他与文学与生俱来的缘分，他如何从小浸染在文字中，并视其为神圣的事业。他最开始认为人类之所以没有堕落下去陷入野蛮而与猪狗为伍，就是因为有文字工作者这样的圣徒在书桌前工作了一整夜。而终有一天这个圣徒会倒下去，他萨特就将接过这个圣徒的使命，继续为全人类奋斗。
但萨特在后期感受到了词语的无能，对于一个饥饿的人来说，它甚至于抵不上一块面包。所有以前使他为文字奋斗的理由都土崩瓦解了，在他经历这次信仰危机时，他写了这本《词语》，对他关于文字的思想做一次彻底的清算，并认清其中的出路。书中萨特解剖自己的态度，甚是诚恳，笔调也很忧郁。
我私下里也曾试图用这样的文字解剖过自己，但这种沉重的文字真的很容易击垮自己的自信，使得它变成一堆自己都目不忍视的废纸。
我的童年与萨特的童年的最初阶段有一定的相似之处。都因为严厉的管教和瘦弱的体格而无法参与到很多同龄人的游戏中去而只能被关在书房阅读。萨特写道：
“他们的冷淡就是对我的谴责，他们居然没有发现我，这使我心里难以平静：我既不是什么天才，又不是水母，不过是一个不使任何人感兴趣的矮小瘦弱的男孩。”
但不同的是，尽管萨特心中热望哪怕他的伙伴们只是让他跑去扮演一个躺在地上的死人，他也会放弃手上的书本，但他就是不愿低下高傲的头去请求伙伴的认可。而我则最后融入了同龄人，这使得我最后背叛了那种生活，狂热于实践而远离了书本。
很多人说哲学有洗脑的功效。虽然我不喜欢洗脑这个词，但我不反对这句话的实际意义：一个人见识到真正的崇高后凭什么还对低俗感兴趣呢？
考研的一年是我重新思索人生的一年，这一年没有任何人打扰我，所以我相信我的选择想得已经比所有人都通透，回到文字中去。我有时会为自己年纪轻轻就悟到这条道路而感到欣喜若狂，因为我看到身边无数比我年长的人都还身陷囹圄。我认为，在一个事业、生活、快乐、知识无法融为一体的生命中，它们之间产生的张力会不断撕扯他无辜的灵魂。
在《词语》中，我发现了许多在《他人就是地狱》中出现过了的段子，这才知道了《他人就是地狱》果真是一本由后人选编出版的大众读本。导师让我远离的也正是这种经由他人断章取义的册子吧。
附勘误：P164出版社印刷错误，倒数第八行“常”应为“长”。另外在前面还有一处“他”应为“她”的错误，我懒得找页码了。
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